Ever since Sigmund Freud focused his theories on mother-child bonding, fathers have been given short shrift, according to Mills-Peninsula psychologist Richard Weiss, Ph.D.

“A couple hundred years ago, dad was at home with the family and no one questioned that he was a central and powerful figure in raising his children,” he said.

Since then fathers have found their way into office buildings, leaving much of child rearing to mom. Even when both parents work full time, dad is away an average of 15 more hours each week, Dr. Weiss says.

Yet, a father’s involvement is critical in every child’s life.

“At the age of 5 or 6, boys start to model themselves after dad, and girls learn about themselves as females through the way that father relates to mother.”

A man who treats his wife’s perspective with consideration and respect will encourage his daughter to be assertive in the family, he said.

In fact, studies have shown the healthiest environment for a child is one where both parents are in the home and married.

This conclusion has been found repeatedly in research looking at factors such as truancy, delinquency, drug use and premature sexual activity in adolescents, Dr. Weiss said.

“A father’s attitude carries more weight than the amount of time he spends at home,” Dr. Weiss said.

“It’s not necessarily quantity but the quality he brings to it.” San Bruno resident Bruce Collins is the proud father of Xavier, 16, Xeryus, 14, and Xenia, 12.

He describes his family life as “living his dream” – and his relationship with his wife, Rhonda, is central.

“She is primary, my joy, and from that relationship we created our family,” Collins said.

He agrees that while time with his children is important, communication is paramount.

“I encourage my children to come to me not just with their achievements, but with their challenges, so we can look at strategies to deal with them,” Collins says.

He’s a San Mateo County senior deputy probation officer and chair of an advisory body to the San Mateo County Board of Supervisors called the Fatherhood Collaborative.

“Our mission is to provide a forum to address and support the importance of men and fathers taking an active role in the well being of children and families,” he said.

“We want children to know that not everything revolves around mom. The balance creates a healthier child.”

The group sponsors events such as “Dad and Me at the Library,” “Dad and Me at the Park,” and “Dad and Me Respectfully,” in which children learn formal dance and etiquette with their fathers.

Both Collins and Dr. Weiss agree that families would benefit from fathers who recognize and are empowered in their role.

“A father’s involvement is critical to helping children separate in a healthy way from their mother,” Dr. Weiss said. “The industrial revolution took dad out of the home, but the bottom line is that he should still be a very authoritative figure in the family.”

“I understood what it meant to be the ‘man of the house’ after watching my wife give birth,” Collins said. “I saw how she was completely absorbed in that tiny being with all her mother instincts, and I knew my job would be to keep focused on the big picture – the entire family.”

For more information on the Fatherhood Collaborative, visit www.fatherhoodcollaborative.org.

For more articles on parenting, visit www.mills-peninsula.org/healthpoint.